


I need your lovin' like the sunshine

by catrazuko



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Based on the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Bisexual Sam Winchester, F/F, F/M, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Homophobia, M/M, and also sam/ruby but its not romanticized dw, but you don't have to watch the movie to read this, dean negative, i already published this in italian if you're interested, theres a bit of charlie/jo in the background
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catrazuko/pseuds/catrazuko
Summary: Sam and Castiel break up after three years together and decide to rely on Lacuna Inc, a clinic that makes people forget their saddest memories.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Jo Harvelle, Ruby/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 9





	I need your lovin' like the sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is my first time publishing in English. English is not my first language, unfortunately, so this is a translation from italian! I definitely accept criticism, thank you for deciding to read this fic, I hope you enjoy it.  
> All the sentences in italics are either from songs or the movie itself.

Castiel Novak woke up early that morning. His head hurt like hell, and he was feeling confused and upset, even though he didn’t know the reason. He was feeling as if his world was crumbling all around him and he had no idea why. Maybe it was just a bad day.

He rubbed his eyes, yawned, and then he looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was 7 am; he was supposed to be at work in two hours.

The man got up and walked to the large window of his room, opened the curtains and noticed the weather was gloomy and cloudy.

“ Perfect!” he thought. “ The weather really suits my mood.”

Castiel slouched towards the bathroom and washed himself without much enthusiasm. Then he went back to his bright bedroom, and started dressing himself. He picked a simple white shirt, blue trousers and a combined jacket. A completely dull suit, just like his job. Castiel hated that simple office job he had been doing for ten years by then. He had other dreams.

He sighed, and then walked in the kitchen to make himself a coffee.

“Ah, it’s February 14th today.” he remembered. “Valentine’s Day.”

He sipped his boiling coffe, slowly.

“ _Valentine's Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.”_ he thought, bitterly _._ Then he scratched his head, slightly weirded out. Since when was he so bitter about life? Castiel had always been a quiet and calm person, despite the ups and lows of life. Yeah, that was definitely a bad day.

Castiel grabbed the briefcase that was ready on the table, wore his coat and got out of the house. Then he went to the parking lot next to the building where he lived, but once arrived to his car he noticed one of the wheels was deflated and someone must have bumped into one of the sides of the car. Looking extremely annoyed he looked around, not knowing who to blame, then he wrote a thank you ticket and sticked it to the car nearby.

He waited for the bus, then he went to the train station. He put his hands, numbed by the cold, in his pocket, while the freezing wind hit his face.

Castiel observed the people around him; a bunch of exhausted and depressed faces, just like his must have been in that moment.

In that instant he heard the automatic voice of the station’s loudspeakers.<< _Last call for the passengers going to Montauk_ >>

Castiel started running, passing through the entire station, and he entered the train going to Montauk just as its doors were closing. He was going to skip his job and go to the beach instead, that day. He didn’t even know why; he’d never been an impulsive person.

He sat on the first seat near the window and grabbed his phone. He decided to warn his boss, who was also his brother, of his absence.

\- Hello Balthazar? It’s me, Castiel. I just wanted to tell you I can’t come to work today, I don’t feel very well. I will catch up on missing hours another time.

\- Don’t worry Cas, there’s no need. I just hope you’re gonna get better soon. – replied Balthazar with a tone way too symphatetic that Castiel didn’t understand. He hung up, shrugging.

He reached the final stop half an hour later. It was right in front of the beach. He started walking slowly on the sand, one step after another, while the ceaseless wind moved his briefcase. In the meantime, it started snowing mildly; the snow wasn’t enough to color the beach in white but it definitely was enough to freeze Castiel’s face. The man watched the rough sea, with the waves almost hitting his feet.

Castiel was shivering; the coat he was wearing wasn’t enough to keep him warm.

“ _Montauk in February. Brilliant, Castiel!_ ” he said to himself. He sat on the flight of steps next to the cabins of the beach estabilishment, unused in that time of the year.

He opened his briefcase and grabbed the notebook in which he used to write and draw his sketches. Castiel quickly looked at the last thing he wrote; it was dated February 12, 2016. He hadn’t drawn or written in it in three years.

Perplexed, he started sketching the beach and the rough sea, whose foam aggressively hit the frozen sand. There was almost complete silence in that place, which was only interrupted by the seagulls’calls and the relaxing sound of the sea.

After a while, Castiel put the notebook back in his briefcase and approached the shore. He sat on the ground and started poking the sand with a stick he had found nearby.

“ _Sand is overrated_ ” he thought. “ _It’s just tiny little rocks_.”

Castiel noticed a young man wearing a flannel coat and walking on the shore not too far from him.

\- _If only I could meet someone new_. – said Castiel to himself. - _I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with someone I don't know_.

He stepped away from the shore, walking towards the balcony of the house that faced the beach. He looked into the house from the window, noticing the dusty furniture; it was probably only used during summer.

“Maybe I should go back to Alex” he thought sombrely. “We were good together. I liked him; I don’t even remember why we broke up. _He loved me._ ”

He walked away and then went into a bar not too far from there. He immediately noticed how warm and cosy it was. He then sat at a table next to the window and grabbed his notebook again.

He noticed the young man he saw on the beach at the table in front of him; he was reading a book. Castiel started watching him attentively.

The stranger raised his eyes; they were light, of a color between grey, green and brown. He smiled at him, shyly. Castiel immediately looked away, feeling uncomfortable.

<< _Why do I fall in love with every man I see that shows me the least bit of attention? >>_ Castiel wrote on his notebook, already full of sketches and thoughts.

He paid for the coffee he had ordered and went back to the station. Castiel didn’t know what was the point of skipping work and going to that beach, but he was feeling a little calmer. Always rather depressed, of course, but calmer.

Castiel saw the young man again, and this time he was waving at him, an encouraging smile on his face. Castiel, still feeling uncomfortable, waved back and looked away.

He got into the half empty train that had passed few minutes later, and sat in the usual seat next to the window. The man was in the same compartment, not too far from him. He looked at him for a while, then lowered his gaze at the sketch he was drawing on his notebook; he was drawing the guy, and he didn’t even notice. He looked at the stranger again only to see he was looking back at him. The stranger smiled again.

\- _Hi._ – he said, with a deep but soft voice.

\- Excuse me?

The man laughed. – _I said hi_. – he replied, then he pointed at the seat in front of Castiel. – Do you mind?

“He’s beautiful.” Castiel thought, and he noticed that, despite the smile, his eyes looked quite sad. – Not at all. – he replied.

\- Where are you going? – asked the stranger, seemingly interessed.

\- _Rockville Centre_. – replied Castiel, shyly.

\- Oh, really? I’m going there too! – said the other enthusiastically. Then he offered him his hand. – Anyway I’m Sam, Sam Winchester. Sorry, I usually don’t strike up a conversation with a stranger so quickly. It’s just that you look so familiar to me, but I can’t remember where I saw you.

Castiel shook his hand and shrugged. – Castiel Novak, nice to meet you. I don’t think we’ve ever met; I’d surely remember meeting someone like you.

Sam smiled and Castiel cursed in his mind. “Brilliant, Castiel! Now he must be thinking you’re flirting with him”.

Sam looked over Castiel’s notebook, noticing a sketch without figuring out it was him. – You’re an artist, uh? You look like one, actually. Can I take a look?

Castiel, feeling embarrassed, closed and hid it from him. – Ehm, I…it’s just nothing interesting.

Sam smiled kindly. – No problem. Sorry, I didn’t want to mind your business.

The train finally stopped at the station where Castiel and Sam had to go. Sam smiled again and said goodbye to Castiel. – It looks like it’s time to get off the train. See you around, then.

Castiel nodded, and got off from the doors on the other side of the train.

Castiel got off the train, still feeling confused by that short conversation. The cold welcomed him again and he cursed himself again for wearing clothes that were way too light for that weather. He walked towards the bus stop, and started waiting.

He was still there ten minutes later, and the train’s warmth had already left him.

A car stopped in front of him, and someone honked. Castiel looked from behind the car window and noticed it was Sam.

\- Do you need a lift? – the man asked.

Castiel hesitated, then he nodded, while getting into the car. – Yes, thank you. The cold was killing me.

Sam laughed and turned the heat on. – Yeah, you were kinda looking like a wet bird. Here, now it should be better. Anyway. – he hesitated. He looked nervous. – Would you like to…drink something at my house?

Noticing Castiel’s hesitation, he immediately apologized. – Sorry, that was stupid. You don’t even know me.

Castiel smiled. – Hey, I didn’t say no. It’s okay for me.

Sam made a joyful smile, and they sped away together.

Castiel looked around. The apartment was small but well furnished. There were shelves all over the walls that were full of dozens of books; one of them was open on the table, next to a half empty glass of water.

\- Sorry for the chaos, I wasn’t expecting guests. – apologized Sam, while he let Castiel sit on the couch. – Here, take a seat. What do you want to drink? An apple juice? An orange juice? I also have beers in the back of the fridge but I think it might be too early.

\- An apple juice would be perfect, thank you. You know, you’re not too far from where I live. – replied Castiel. Then he pointed at the book on the table. – What kind of interesting book are you reading?

Sam laughed, a bit embarassed, while he walked towards the small kitchen to grab Castiel his juice. – Nothing super interesting for most, I’m afraid. It’s a law book, I’m studying to become a lawyer. It’s a little late, I know, but I never could do it before because of…reasons. So I was like, well why don’t I least give it a try? – he said, while giving Castiel a small bottle. – In the meantime, I’m working in the neighboorhood’s Barnes & Noble.

\- Really? I often go there!

Sam nodded, sitting next to Castiel. – Oh, that’s where I saw you then! Anyway, let’s stop talking about myself. What about you? What do you do in your life?

Castiel was feeling embarrassed. His job was so insignificant. – Nothing special. I’ve been working as a supervisor in a call center for ten years now. I can’t say I’m satisfied, I definitely have other dreams.

Sam stared at him intensely. – What are your dreams, Castiel?

Castiel felt his cheeks boil under the penetrating gaze of the other man. “Cool” he thought sarcastically “I’m blushing like a schoolgirl”

\- Well…I would have loved to become a writer. Or an artist. Or both. But it’s way too late now; that ship has sailed.

\- Why? – asked the other, getting closer. – It’s never too late to follow your dreams. Look at me, for example. I’m thirty five and I’m only now studying to become a lawyer. I don’t know if I’ll manage to become one, but why give up before even trying?

\- I don’t know. I feel like I have nothing interesting to offer the world, Sam.

\- I disagree. I’ve only known you for like a couple of hours and you already seem like the most interesting person in the world to me.

Castiel looked at him, surprised. Him? Interesting?

Sam gave him another kind smile. – You know, I’m not the kind of person who tries to hook up with someone just after meeting them. It’s more something my brother would do...But there’s something about you that draws me in more than anyone else ever attracted me. I feel like I’m gonna marry you, you know?

Castiel made a bright smile. He felt as if it was the first time he smiled in years.

\- Okay. – he replied gently.

Sam hesitated, then he gently grabbed Castiel’s hand and started tracing invisible circles on his palm. – You know what we should do, Cas, can I call you Cas? We should go together at the Charles River, one of these days. It’s so beautiful in winter, all frozen and cold.

Castiel sensed a feeling of warmth in the pit of his stomach. He was feeling so at peace in that moment. He looked at the time; it was already too late. There were many things he was supposed to do that day, and he had already skipped work.

\- Okay. I have to go now though, I have a lot of things to do today. – he said reluctantly. He wanted to stay there forever. – Let’s exchange phone numbers, so we can call each other.

Sam nodded. They both got up off the couch and exchanged numbers.

\- Do you need me to take you home? It’s cold outside. – said Sam.

\- Don’t worry, I don’t live very far from here, it’s not gonna take long with the bus.

\- Alright. Call me when you get home, ok? So we can plan our hangout.

Castiel nodded, and then he left Sam’s apartment, his head in the clouds.

He arrived home half an hour later. The first thing he did was calling Sam.

\- Hey, I’m glad you’re home safe and sound.

Castiel laughed. – Well, yeah, it was a long and tortuous trip.

Sam laughed too. – Well, listen, I was thinking about going to the Charles River tomorrow night at 10 pm. Are you in?

Castiel smiled. – Of course. See you tomorrow, then.

\- Send me your address, so I can come pick you up.

Sam showed up at exactly 10 pm, like clockwork.

When they arrived at the river, the first thing Sam did was slowly approaching the riverside. Then he turned around to Castiel, who was completely still. – Come on, come here and let’s lie down to watch the stars.

Castiel hesitated. – It’s kinda dangerous. What if the ice breaks?

Sam gave him an encouraging smile. – Nope, it’s not dangerous at all. See? – he replied, slowly walking on the ice, one step after another. Then he slipped and fell down and burst out laughing, Castiel too. He lied down, inviting Castiel to join him. – Come here next to me.

Castiel couldn’t resist his soft voice and obeyed, lying down on the cold ice. Sam took his hand and held it tight.

They stayed like that for quite a lot of time, lying on the river in silence.

\- You know, I used to come here during this time of the year when I was little, with my older brother and my uncle Bobby. We had a lot of fun. In the meantime, my dad was somewhere, drinking. – said Sam suddenly, with a gloomy tone of voice. – But it was a nice time, at least when my dad wasn’t around. I had a beautiful relationship with my brother during that period. Well, he’s always been a bit bossy, but he has always taken care of me. Then, when I came out as bisexual three years ago, things got complicated. He loves me, I know, but I also know he’ll never accept that part of me. And that surprises me, considering he’s always had gay friends. I guess things are different where the one not being straight is your beloved little brother.

Castiel got closer to him and gently kissed him on the side of his mouth. Sam smiled sadly and stroked his cheek. – What about you? What can you tell me about your family?

The other man shrugged. – Well, I don’t have much to say. I come from a large and dysfunctional family, I work for one of my older brothers, and my father has always been a sadist that loved to toy with other people’s lives. I’ve never met my mother, she left when I was born.

Sam nodded sympathetically. – I’ve never met my mother either. She died in labor.

\- I’m sorry.

\- Yeah, me too. And I can’t help but think that my father has always blamed me for her death, and my brother too, a little.

\- You have no faults, Sam. These things do happens, unfortunately, but it’s not your fault.

\- Yes, I know. But I cant help but feel at least a little bit guilty. – he replied, his eyes full of sadness. – That’s why I’ve always felt alone.

Castiel curled up against him. – I’ve always felt the same way too. – then he looked for the courage to say what he was about to say. – What about…being alone together?

Sam didn’t answer, and he put his lips on Castiel’s slightly chapped ones. Their tongues met in a long, tender kiss.

Castiel held him tight. Sam straddled him, laughing. He ruffled his hair and brought his face closer to Castiel’s. – Yeah. – he whispered in a low voice. – I really think I’m gonna marry you.

Castiel sighed, slowly, and gently pushed him away. – I’m starting to freeze. We should go somewhere warmer.

Sam ironically pouted. – Killjoy. – he joked. Then he grabbed his hand and they both got up. – Come to my house, ok?

Castiel gently kissed his cheek. – Okay.

They got into Sam’s Toyota, finally finding refuge from the cold.

The morning after Castiel woke up on Sam’s chest, wrapped in his arms. He smiled. He wasn’t used to hook up with men the day after knowing them, but it was different with Sam, there was already a sort of intimacy between them. Even now, curled up against him, with the sheets sticking on their sweaty bodies, he almost felt…safe. He hadn’t felt that close to someone since the beginning of his relationship with Alex. Or maybe he never actually felt like that before. He looked at Sam who was sleeping peacefully and smiled. His expression was calm.

Sam woke up. He opened his eyes and he immediately smiled when he saw Castiel. – Cas…- he simply whispered, starting to stroke his hair.

\- _I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now..._ \- he started singing quietly, while Castiel was still curled up against him. 

Castiel slowly skimmed his face, while Sam closed his eyes and kept singing.

\- _Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me, and after all you're my wonderwall…_


End file.
